Since the Upper West Side has been lacking a sexy date place since the invention of the Upper West Side, restaurateur Greg Hunt recruited a Blue Hill/ wd~50 chef and bartenders from Employees Only to create Cafe Tallulah, a hyper-sexified, bi-level French bistro and lounge with regal velvet curtains, a gigantic zinc bar that Balthazar will probably try to steal, and exposed-brick walls with old b&w photos of bombshells like Brigitte Bardot.

Here it is, the biggest zinc bar on the UWS "and probably the whole city" (good luck debunking that), which's backed by tons of liquor, a raw bar, and hey-you-just-entered-a-French-restaurant distressed mirrors.

Tipples created by Dushan Zaric of Employees Only include this Matahari with pomegranate/lemon juices, cognac that's shaken with homemade Chai-infused vermouth, and dried rose buds Orson Welles just can't wait to wail about.

Brigitte Bardot used to be really hot.

In the summer these windows will be wide open to the street, for the most exciting people-watching this side of The Upper East Side.

This is how Roxanne Spruance (Blue Hill, wd~50) makes her chicken for two: peels the skin back, brines it overnight, coats it with tarragon mayo, and puts the skin back on before roasting.

Beef Bourguignon. That's French for "delicious short rib in red wine sauce".

Inventive takes on classic desserts Gerard Depardieu loves include this Tarte Tatin w/ caramelized apple mousse, shiso, buttermilk panna cotta, and bourbon jam.

This might just be a stairway to heaven, if heaven is a place where women just eat ice cream sexily.

The bar downstairs is another stunner with backlit old-school subway tiles lining the base.

The rest of the space gets the Depardieu-den treatment with a fireplace, heavy curtains, and tons of black-and-white photos of non-hot-chicks like Bob Dylan.

And finally, what women on dates in sexy French bistros love most of all: pool. 240 Columbus Ave, nr 71st St; Upper West Side; 917.262.0503; CafeTallulah.com