The Battery (now closed)

Much like duct tape fixes anything, and aspirin can cure any ill, if you want to make any food delicious...fry it! Enacting that bold plan, The Battery.

From a family of Cork emigrees, The Battery's Boston's first "authentic Irish chipper", serving up homemade battered & fried deliciousness from behind a custom-made fryolator and cooling counter, in a sleek, stainless-steel and wood setting outfitted with 15 hopefully sturdy seats. The arterial onslaught starts with hand-cut "chips" in eleven styles (from homemade garlic mayo, to curry/mayo, to cheese/coleslaw) that're also available as a "Chip Butty", which is just chips in a bun (though does "French Fry Sandwich" really sound that much worse than "Chip Butty"?). Entrees start with old-school fish 'n chips in two styles of white fish (pollack or haddock) and then quickly move on to "traditional favorites" like freshly mashed fried potato pies (cheese/onion, or thyme/parsley), battered sausage, even battered burgers, suggesting that hamburgers are really a gateway fat.

For those who can't handle the pain, they've also got normal burgers and chicken sandwiches, which you can wash down with UK favorites like Club orange/lemon soda, Gatorade-esque Lucozade, even their popular kid's fruit drink Ribena -- moderate your glee as you drink it, as nothing can fix an infantilized fat man.