Gorging: Rolf's 281 3rd Ave, at 21st; 212.473.8718
As you gaze out your window on our urban winter wonderland, you ask yourself: what booze-hole can I crawl down to escape this urban winter wonderland? Make your hole bright and festive by choosing Rolf's, a stein-slinging German restaurant that brings joy to its customers' hearts by stringing up 70,000 lights each holiday season -- then keeps joy in their hearts by blocking off their arteries with knockwurst, schnitzel, and roast suckling pig.

The Rest: Jewcy Chanukah
Sunday Dec 11, Doors open at 7pm, show from 8-10pm
Crobar: 530 W 28th St, between 10th and 11th
Tickets at SmartTix.com, $25
Among the Jewish singers, actors, comedians, and puppets appearing at this benefit concert are SNL's Rachel Dratch, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and Perry Farrell. Reserve a $5000 VIP table if you really want to support the beneficiary charity, Natan -- or just hand the cash to Farrell, who's desperately trying to recoup the Jane's Addiction royalties he blew on smack and designer dresses.

Buying: T5S Holiday Sample Sale
Thursday Dec 8-Monday Dec 19, 10am-8pm
40 E 30th St, between Park and Madison
This 40-50% off sale started yesterday, but there's still plenty of merchandise left from contributors BoxFresh, Subscript, and 555 Soul -- the very phone number on your counterfeit Billy Dee Williams business cards.

BYO Update: The PIT
154 W 29th St, between 6th and 7th; ThePIT-NYC.com
Back in 2002, the founders of this BYOB improv theater had a revelation: if falling down stairs is funny when you're drunk, then watching actual comedy must be hilarious. Tonight their 8pm slot features FEARSOME, an accomplished troupe that ends their shows with a mock blooper reel of everything that could have gone wrong -- like, say, you, falling asleep with your head on the stage after 80oz of Schlitz.

Drink Recipe: Spiced Wine
- 2 bottles cheap red
- 1/2 cup sugar
- Skin of large orange, shaved off with vegetable peeler
- a dozen cloves
- 4 cinnamon sticks
Simmer for an hour at low heat, as high heat causes the alcohol to evaporate, taking with it the reason you made this in the first place. As a bonus, your apartment will be infused with holiday smell, which should camouflage its typical not-holiday reek.