While the menus at upscale Chinese spots are tempting, their glamorous crowds make it embarrassing to eat Chinese in the quantity and style you're accustomed to -- i.e., inhaling six cartons, with no one but the deliveryman to witness your monstrousness. For the cuisine without the shame, choose the walled-off feasting room at just-opened Chinatown Brasserie.

CB's main room's airy and open, fine for nibbling French brasserie finger sandwiches, but totally unfit for basting your chin with General Tso sauce. But the banquet room's sequestered behind the enormous bar, and'll seat you plus 21 others who enjoy overeating, or hate themselves for overeating but claim to have deficient satiety glands. There's no rental fee, but there's a minimum order of $2500, or $113.64 apiece -- which gets you blessed privacy, and enough chow to feed a horde of rare Chinese Vikings.

How you reach the minimum's up to you: the basic 5-course feast's $75 per person (the other $40, you'll easily rack up in booze). There'll also be a 9-course option, and possibly a credit/gut busting 15-courser. You can also go a la carte with offerings from Joe Ng, a "Master of Dumplings" who can create 1000 varieties of dim sum. Add heft with the 64oz Double Rib Steak, or, on Saturdays, the Suckling Pig, served head attached -- ideal for the classic "$113.64 says I eat this pig's head" bet.

After you can't take anymore, hit the basement lounge, where you will remain out of sight of more genteel diners until your unseemly distension abates.