If you can't grill with dad this weekend -- or you just don't feel like buying him the usual (tie, golf equipment, Filipino dominatrix session) -- stuff his potbelly with some mail order BBQ.

Rendezvous Ribs: HogsFly.com
This Memphis rib haven's giant slabs are slow-smoked that day and immediately FedEx'd, so they arrive at your door still reaking of charcoal pit.

Salt Lick BBQ: SaltLickBBQ.com
Located just outside Austin, The Lick's famous for its beef brisket. But for more variety, give dad the $114 Salt Lick Special: 1 brisket, 1 rack of ribs, 1 smoked turkey breast (habanero or traditional). Enough food for 10 of his normal-sized friends, or five of his big fat ones.

Jack Stack BBQ: JackStackBBQ.com
JS's $79.95 Big Kansas City sampler includes brisket, Strawberry Hill sausage, and the local delicacy, meaty burnt ends (literally the chewy burnt ends of brisket). Plus, dad'll get a quart of their famous Hickory Pit beans, ensuring a month of Hickory Pit acid reflux.

No matter what you choose, the prep is minimal, requiring only a few minutes in the oven or microwave -- great for inherently lazy dads or those who tend to set themselves on fire while grilling. Plus, the leftovers keep for up to a week, so after your father suffers a BBQ-induced stroke on Monday, he'll still have edible meat to come home to on Friday.