Thursday is the new Friday, which means it's time to rundown what's hot and what's not. Charge through the day like a rhino on Sudafed.

GADGETRY HOT: Cheering Waste Basket
Available at Gadgets.co.uk
The next level of basketball waste basket attachments has arrived. Every time you get a crumpled piece of paper through the hoop, a sensor cues a cheering noise. The adulation becomes so addictive, the cold, clinical silence of a missed shot will feel like a paralyzing personal failure.

NOT: Royal Vienna Basket of Cheer
Available at RobinsNest.com
True baskets of cheer come outfitted with liquor, whereas this one is dinnerware. Royal Vienna should be punched in the kidneys for their hurtful ruse.

GRUB HOT: Gummy Hot Dogs
Available at CandyAsap.com
If you've ever dreamt about entering a hot dog eating contest but don't have the gastrointestinal fortitude to do so, try Nathan's Gummy Hot Dogs. However, if you try to break Kobayashi's record with these, you'll still puke.

NOT: Gummy C*ck Rings
Available at ChocolateFantasies.com
Yes, you can wear it. Yes, you can eat it. But there's no reason to buy it -- unless your girlfriend's role-playing games include Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

ACCESSORIES HOT: Retro Cell Phones
Available at RetroBrick.com
Reject the pretentiousness of modern technology and embrace the nostalgia of early mobile phones. Choose from a variety of giant, clunky models that were popular in the 80's. Some of them will actually work, provided your plan offers analog service. If yours doesn't work, use it to bludgeon that friend who can't stop dicking around with his Motorola Q.

NOT: Retro Cheerleading Megaphones
Available at eBay.com
Do you know how many cheerleaders in the 80's had herpes? Millions. Put one of these up to your mouth and you're playing with fire.