The theory behind beef jerky is infallible: it's meat you don't have to prepare, that can be carried around in your pocket. Unfortunately, eating it can be like chewing on sunbaked roadkill. For BJ so good it'll change your life, order from the E.M. "Manny" Rosenthal Meat Science & Technology Center, at Texas A&M.

The RMSTC's meat scientists toil to make farmed flesh safer and tastier through "the development of science and the application of that science to the solutions of problems in animal and meat science." This might sound like just a bunch of science to you, but there's no denying that their Aggie Jerky is an astonishing breakthrough -- a Unified Theory of Meat available by the 1/2-pound bag.

Why it blows other treats away:

• The meat's pulled right off the muscle, not ground up and reprocessed


• There are no chemicals added


• It's marinated a week before getting peppered and smoked

Of course, no jerky is perfect. The strips are too thick to break apart, so you must gnaw them whole, leaving you unable to speak for upwards of five heavenly minutes. You'll also have to chug insane quantities of water to wash down your salty six-jerky lunches. But these are minor shortcomings. Act now. The Rosenthal Center's PhD's are waiting for your call.