The barriers to joining the mile high club are numerous: nosy flight attendants, glowering passengers, and blue-fluid burns from the toilet. Nevertheless, prepare to fulfill your air-porking aspirations, thanks to MileHighClub.com

The MHC is the original portal for all things sky-boney, but it's most useful for helping you lose your 5,280ft cherry with its page of regional affiliates sympathetic to your plight:

Mile High Atlanta: $299/hr
Carrolton, GA; 770-301-9339
Step aboard a cramped Cherokee Piper Six to enjoy champagne and souvenir bedding which you'll soil and then save for posterity -- or sell on eBay to aeronautical sheet-stain fetishists.

Chicagoland Skydiving Center: $1,000/hr
Hinckley, IL; 815.286.9200
Rather than throw them out of the plane, CSC squires couples in their spacious DHC Super Otter. A grand gets you champagne, cheese, and a guarantee you won't be deploying a parachute mid-thrust.

Skyspan Adventures: $600/couple
Albuquerque, NM; 877-SKYSPAN
Once you've conquered airplanes, expand your MHC membership to hot air balloons. This package includes a champagne picnic, limo rides to and from your hotel, and, of course, stand-up sex in a giant wicker basket next to a balloonist named Troy.

If their list of businesses doesn't service your area, MHC overseer Phil Kessler suggests you call your local charter airlines to see what you can swing. However, remember to interview your pilot prior to take-off/get-off, lest you find yourself an object of his deviant air voyeurism, resulting in him masturbating the plane right into a cornfield.