As far as shut-ins go, it's even money as to whether they'll create dazzling innovations or freeze bottles of their own urine and name them. Meet Frank Warner, a man whose hermitage has allowed him to master the making of shaving steel.

Frank's early fascination with sharp things led him to spend two years poring over books and studying under master craftsmen, even though the latter forced him to leave his dark, musty home. Using his machinist father's artisan tools and his own newfound virtuosity, Frank began to shape and cut artful weaponry for grateful hunters, collectors, and princely psychopaths.

Operating out of his cluttered Central California garage, Frank recently branched out to straight razors, so that hundreds of faces could also enjoy his knifey genius. He uses only the highest quality stainless steel, even dabbling with hyper-expensive 440V alloy, popular with swift-slicing Spanish swordmakers. If you want something immediately, Frank has a ready-to-buy model sporting a spalted grapefruit vine handle. But if you've got the patience for a custom order, he also makes grips with everything from carbon fiber to fossilized mammoth's tooth -- a material vastly underappreciated by caveman barbers.

When you email Frank, the two of you will work together to develop the perfect straight razor for your prickly jowls. Although it's pricey, you'll cherish it forever -- not only for its masterful if dangerous shave, but also because it was crafted by a man who's one pee jar away from making a knife handle out of his own face.

Email Frank today to get your straight razor.