Dress shoes are fairly homogeneous -- while you may look sharp, you risk losing your highly individualized toe-steez. Enter Narrative Footwear's "Souliers", just arrived at Bloomingdale's.

Handmade in Italy, Souliers were designed by Kurt Geiger alum Scott Emerson, who yearned for footwear that'd express his innumerable influences -- everything from classical English styles to "the futuristic electronic funk of Detroit" (which you can clearly see in the sole). Emerson's collection features 50 distinct pairs, ranging from everyman-friendly burnished moccasins to ebony-and-ivory two-tones you could only pull off if you were a Zoot Suit Riot veteran, or, due to a horrible industrial accident, had a two-toned face.

Some standouts:

The Bari Zip: A black leather quarter-boot -- short enough to wear in summer, tall enough to hide your tiny shamrock tattoo.

The Emi Oxford: Undercuts the casual elitism of lawn-party shoes with a sneakerishly subtle red detailing -- ensuring you'll be the first man to ever play croquet without the help wishing you dead.

The Bari Derby Gold: As resplendent as you can make your feet without some ghoulish podophiliac cutting them off and marrying them for their money.

BD's won't be carrying all 50 models at once, so for better perspective on Narrative's range click the website's "souliers" tab. If you're still not satisfied, you'll be stuck flashing your individuality with elegant dress mandals and jaunty, multihued toenail polish.