St Patrick's day starts with poisoning yourself on green beer in a fetid dive jammed with bellicose firemen, and then goes downhill from there. Reach for something grander with the Queen Mary St. Patrick's Day Pub Crawl.

Starting (and ending) at the enormo-ship-cum-hotel, this pub crawl's got all the amenities you'd expect on a holiday honoring a saint: alcohol, fried food, and midgets. The rampage begins when a double-decker bus picks you and 200 of your closest friends up at the Queen Mary, then shuttles you among 45-minute stops at four traditional Irish pubs, where you'll throw back a free beer, gorge on finger-food, and sing songs about blarney stones. Should you find you're seeing leprechauns, never fear: chances are you're just feasting your glassy eyes on Jackass star Wee-Man, who will merrily revel with you to live Irish music, then merrily vomit on your free promotional t-shirt.

Your final drink'll be from the observation deck of the Queen; since chances are slim that you live within stumbling distance, the hotel's offering a special $119.00 rate if you say the password "pub". Once in bed, thank St. P that you didn't waste your day on traditional Irish devolution -- instead opting for a very big ship, or the very wee man currently spooning your very big belly.