If God didn't intend man to eat beast, then why did he make them furry, and killable? Get your misguided vegetarian friends back on track with therapeutic realignment from James Trambino, M.S.W., and his team at the National Association for the Promotion of Responsible Eating (NAPRE).

Trambino's an ex-Veggie who started his Glendale-based corporation with a noble mission: transforming enfeebled vegetarians into big-swinging carnivores. His methodology is firmly rooted in "science" and relies on an escalating series of conditioning exercises, ranging from a forced broccoli pig-out, to the public renunciation of greens as "unnatural and wrong". At the same time, Trambino works to erode meat-fear, claiming he can fully re-introduce flesh into the patient's life within a month -- first, via photos of it pink and raw, then culminating with a succulent prime rib dinner.

Though NAPRE's success rate's impressive, they don't guarantee a 100% turnaround, and admit that some of his clients have relapsed into the occasional salad binge. Then again you might find a total recovery isn't in your best interest -- when your friend's newfound predatory instincts overwhelm him and he starts to fixate on your own tasty mortality.

Starting Sunday, the NAPRE is offering a 10% discount for Thrillist subscribers who e-mail Trambino at NAPRE1@gmail.com