For those with a truly superlative talent, self-handicapping is the only way to keep things interesting, like Jordan's eyes-closed free-throws, or Def Leppard's drummer. Bringing this concept to cocktailing: The new Bourgeois Pig, soft opening tomorrow.

Helmed by the mixological minds behind Death & Co, BP's a regally be-velveted parlour that replaces gin and whiskey with champagne and wine (a brave statement of mastery/a legal concession to the next-door church, which forbids most non-transubstantiable liquors). Nevertheless, the resulting concoctions're every bit as exacting as Death's, e.g., the imp-friendly Napoleon Champagne Punch (lemon, peach preserves, orange bitters, champagne), and the dastardly Kir Noir, made with wine, OJ, raspberry, and an egg (basically, a Pinot-melette). All their kingly libations are served in gilded goblets -- which hopefully won't wither you into a mummy as a Knight Templar wryly intones "He chose poorly."

For ballast, BP'll soon start serving fondue: one with savory Port Salut cheese, and a chocolaty Bailey's and Kahlua version -- a departure from their liquor-eschewing handicapping, because when it comes to dessert soup, you need all the help you can get.