Services: ZIPSkinny
Plug in your ZIP, and you'll get census-derived stats on your humble 'hood, from occupations and income, to education levels and divorce rates. You can also compare up to 20 ZIPs, letting you feel smug about your area's demographic superiority, despite your personal status as an illiterate, broke forestry worker.
Get the lowdown at ZipSkinny.com

Gear: Supermandolini Tees
Straight outa Grecian t-shirt capital Thessaloniki, these 100-percent cotton tees rock distinctive mashed-up scenes, like a joust-ready knight lying in wait to impale a modern-day jockey, and a bereted Cupid shouldering a rocket launcher -- because insurgents need love too.
Pick up the shirts at Supermandolini.com

Post-Drinks: Fix Hangover Strips
Ease your bender's aftereffects by tucking these quick-dissolving strips between your cheek and gums for an instant dose of electrolytes (replacing Gatorade), caffeine (replacing coffee), and vitamins (replacing nothing).
Snag some at StripUp.com

Enlightening Services: PayScale Meeting Miser
Tell the Miser your zip and meeting attendees' positions, and based on PS's nationwide salary database, it'll provide a real-time approximation of how much money's being squandered during poin tless powwows -- the perfect office whining point that, overplayed, will ironically inspire a disciplinary meeting.
Crunch the numbers at PayScale.com

Drinks: Illusion of Thirst Glasses
Your beverage fills only the interior cavity of these wine-goblets-inside-a-pint-glass, for the appearance of hovering booze a bottle earlier than usual.
Grab glasses at UncommonGoods.com