Modern man has little more than the jacket on his back to differentiate himself from the savage sitting next to him who's also eating shrimp cocktail. Personalize your pelt with Dress Monkey.

Started by an OC native and his Shanghai-based business partner, Monkey walks you through designing your own jacket using an interface so idiot-proof, it are tobally awesome. First, choose one of 13 fabrics, from jet-black velvet to nailhead tweed (ask nicely and Monkey'll send you a free swatch book, to guide your decision, or to giddily add to your towering collection of swatch books). Once your fabric's set, select further options from 14 standard categories (cut, buttons, lapel size, etc) and, for a bit extra, five premium ones, i.e., lapel piping, shoulder vents, or leather elbow patches -- for a style that says both "professorial" and "willing to kill cow to glam up ulna".

As far as fit, Monkey hosts a how-to video for taking your own measurements; if your jacket arrives ill-fitting, they'll credit you $25 -- for additional tailoring, or the 50 shrimp necessary for you to fill out your jacket.