Everyone's a slave to some horrible vice (women/booze/Micro Machines collecting), but none compare to your dog's ravenous hunger for poop. Make him stop eating it, with Stop Eating Poop.

SEP's a blend of tasty "natural" flavorings and glutamic acid specially formulated to get your favorite canine off his debilitating stool habit by stripping his feces of its delicious poop flavor. The process: lure your furry friend into the living room with the promise of "play", then gently ask him to sit; next, tell him that you miss the time you used to spend together, and that he doesn't jump as high for frisbees anymore because he's too busy sniffing around the parking strip. When he inevitably argues (because poopaholism is a disease), sneak 1/4 to 3/4 tsps of SEP into his food -- soon enough, the glutamic acid will work through his system, making the resulting logs taste every bit as disgustingly bitter as he'll be feeling towards you, given that he only does it to "relax".

Due to draconian poop-additive regulations, SEP's not available in Texas, Iowa, or New Mexico, whose residents will have to wean their dogs off poop the old-fashioned way -- with the promise of tiny, crunchy '57 Chevys.