Sports bars are like Icarus: aim too low, and crash into the sea of beer-soaked dives, but fly too high, and your wings will be singed by a celestial Panini Press (with garlic-thyme aoili). Flying right in the middle, try The Fifty/50, opening for March Madness on Friday.

Decked out with a dozen mammoth flat screens and kingly elevated half-moon booths, The 50's a tri-level sports temple founded by ex- Gibson's/Joe's Prime managers and co-financed by current Bears, an ex-Cub, and Curtis Granderson -- who's apparently not planning on retiring in Detroit. Despite the finery, 50's sticking with gluttonous fare like in-house smoked meats (ribs, pulled pork, wings), mac 'n' cheese toppable with everything from chicken to chili, and the "Double-Secret Probation"-esque "Triple Secret": a tri-meat fatburger with a classified recipe you should still try to discover, because was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? 50's take on bottle service involves irresponsibly low prices ($120 full/$60 half bottles of Goose, $100/$50 for Maker's); meanwhile, their 11-strong cocktail list eschews fruit for beer, e.g., the Wobble Stopper (porter, tomato, corn & black bean infused vodka, with a generous bacon garnish -- between the beer and vodka, only additional bodyweight can stop your wobbling).

The 50 also offers a "40 of the Week" (right now it's Mickey's) served as the gods intended -- because only a protective coating of brown paper can keep you from getting your wings toasted.