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THRILLIST Las Vegas
The Parlay
Golf: The Platinum Tees
702.818.1199
These professional models have been specially trained by a PGA pro to replace your divots, drive the cart, clean your clubs, tend your pins, and lie about the virility with which you wield a 5-wood. Pick your caddie from the online catalogue, and she'll meet you at your course wearing dress appropriate for the establishment (no longer being serviced: the Letting It All Hang Out Country Club).
Plan your next foursome with ThePlatinumTees.com
 Eat: Village Seafood Buffet
At the Rio: 3700 W Flamingo, 702.777.7923
After a $10mm overhaul, Vegas' only all-sea buffet is back, with modernized decor + sound & light system, and nearly two tons of lobster, mussels, oysters, catfish, salmon, tuna, etc, shipped in daily from seaports around the world. There're also sommeliers on-hand, though their work will be wasted when you decide to pair your heaping pile of crab legs with a simple glass of melted butter.
Go back for seconds at the Village Seafood Buffet  Sleep: New Bellagio Suites
3600 Las Vegas Blvd; 888.987.6667
Keeping up with the Trumps, Maloofs, Wynns, et al., Bellagio's unveiling its own $60mm renovation this May: 512 homier, pimper suites decked out with the finest mahogany and Italian marble furnishings, contemporary fine art, top shelf mini-bars, HDTVs, iHome clock radios, wifi, fax machines, and multiple phone lines -- on which to call your friends and say, "I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."
Check out the rooms for yourself and make your reservations at Bellagio.com
 Gamble: Pong Slot Machines
Bally and Atari's effort to capture the nerd crowd, these proto-video-game inspired slots have just started popping up, with rows recently spotted at MGM Grand and Bellagio (near the mall entrance). They work just like regular slots, until you spin your way into a 45-second bonus round, during which your rusty Pong skills will determine your payout and leave you pining for the comparative complexity of Rampage.
Breakout, Asteroids, and Centipede coming -- see the machine in action
 Crash: Shannon Shorr
Just because you're a 22-year-old poker pro with a couple mil in tourney winnings doesn't mean G doesn't = 9.8 m/s2. Check out these quick vids, and you'll laugh so hard you too will shatter your back.
If you do this, you'll end up like this
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