Since the dawn of man, video games have been the natural enemy of sex. Now, you can have your cake and screw it too: WiiSex, for mature audiences only.

Invented by a trio of Stanford alumni, WiiSex centers on a Wiimote-compatible doll that harbors three sensor-laden orifices, each equipped with glowing lights and vibrations that'll provide an experience so enthusiastically lifelike, you'll know it has to be fake. A la Guitar Hero, the game prompts the focus and intensity of your minstrations, with the goal of each challenge being simultaneous climax -- which might sound impossible, but that's what you said about mastering "Slow Ride", and you rocked that mother. Though your real-world accessory only comes in creepy wii-white, each stage presents its own woman, with her own needs, which you will uncharacteristically not ignore, because you take video games seriously.

Because WiiSex is new and still not licensed, its inventors are accepting beta-tester volunteers; unfortunately, you will provide them with no feedback, as ceaseless self-pleasuring is the natural enemy of helping anybody with anything.