Whether you're a local, or just claim you are because of all the time you spend visiting your Nana in Aventura, Miami can be a minefield of overcooked trendiness so frustrating, you're left wishing you were back on your couch enjoying the unpretentious bonhomie of Gossip Girl.

Don't let this happen to you: in a few short weeks, Thrillist.com will arrive in Miami, to seize it by its linen-clad sex organs.

Just like you're accustomed to, we'll give Miami a near-lethal dose of local goodness: from a sushi/go-go bar where the raw doesn't stop with fish, to burlesque shows where Las Vegas, Blade Runner, and unsettling androgyny converge on your trembling lap, to a gym where you can learn fighting skills that'll land you a role in Only The Strong II (since the original dude's busy challenging chefs to cook pigeons).

Of course, Thrillist Miami will brighten your friends' lives too. Tell everyone you know, even people you don't like -- if they start reading Thrillist, maybe they'll grow on you.