In Italy, only one woman can introduce you to life's most sublime pleasures and teach you what women really want -- your grandmother. Eat that tradition up at Via dei Mille.

A casually fancy, white-walled, chandeliered hall sporting a cozy marble bar, Mille's from the guy behind former UES hotspot Barbaluc and an acclaimed Italian chef who, despite having worked at "The Gastronomical Jewel of Naples", credits all his skill to years (and years) of cookin' with grams. Befitting the elderly sourcing, grub's old school rustic (balsamic tuna tartare, baby cuttlefish in polenta, grilled lamb chops w/ lamb shoulder, etc), but served in the small plate style of Stuzzichini -- literally meaning "to provoke", hence your querulous eyebrow raise at the dainty portions. While a man's basic drinking needs're sated by imported suds and sangria, the cocktail list is an unholy smorgasbord of gal-pleasing sweetness, e.g., three kinds of bellini, martinis like raspberry-mango and key lime pie, and a grapefruit cosmo -- a sassy take on a sassy take on the perfect American drink.

Mille's starting with dinner, then opening next weekend for lunch, and the following weekend for brunch -- an occasion for humoring women before introducing them to what men really want, eight straight hours of Cris Collinsworth.