People get insured for lots of stuff that may never come to pass -- earthquakes, dismemberment, "death" -- so why not protect yourself against an eventuality you know's gonna happen? Since it's only a matter of time, TicketAssurance.com.

In return for minimal monthly payments, Atlanta-based TA will pay the fines for up to three moving and three non-moving traffic violations annually, hundreds of dollars in savings for anyone with a lead foot and a complete disrespect for fire hydrants. Coverage includes speeding, parking and failure to stop, the reduction or elimination of outstanding warrants, unpaid fines and collection costs, and up to two booting or impounding incidents, though there's no recompense if the tow-truck dude also happens to like Diana DeGarmo/your ashtray change. If you think you're being persecuted, TA also works with court services specialists, who'll attempt to get your case dismissed by composing letters, using inside connections, and giving intensely satisfying neck massages.

Register online to get 20% off membership fees, plus discounts on rental cars (Hertz, Budget, Thrifty) and affiliated hotels (Best Western, Ramada); send a request a month before a road trip, and they'll send you round-trip directions, cheap gas options, and speed trap locations -- reducing your odds of a ticket but, thanks to your zippy confidence, putting that dismemberment plan into play.

Add this to My Thrillist

Family and commercial plans also available, at TicketAssurance.com