thrillist

After a career in military intelligence, there's not much to do but air your dirty laundry with a gripping tell-all, or wash said laundry in Black Water and get it even dirtier. Or...you can make cool crap in your garage! Like pens from Craftiness.

Craftiness is the handiwork of a retired intelligence analyst (and Russian linguist) who's now applying woodshop skills he learned in high school to writing instruments that employ rare/exotic timber and oft-surprising found materials, the origins of which aren't classified, but do you really want to know the story behind that toad-skin? A throwback to his service days, his signature offerings are pens made from used bullet casings, including a .50 caliber machine gun shell with black acrylic grip, a nickel-plated 30-06 with pearly acrylic acetate, and the conflicted "War & Peace ", featuring a .308 brass casing contrasted against a body made of Bethlehem Olive wood (remove "Bethlehem" for something Popeye experienced daily). Less violently, bullet-free wood-based pens are hand-turned on a lathe, from a Mexican Bocote job spun Sierra-style for a ringed effect, to a Brazilian Tulipwood number fitted with 10K gold, to a cigar-shaped option made from Eucalyptus-related Australian Red Mallee, because nothing inspires the Great American Novel quite like the fear that at any minute a koala will eat your pen!

If wood and bullets aren't your thing, there's also a selection made with everything from gemstones to the aforementioned toad-skin -- such a far cry from the standard Bic, you'll have to Xe it to believe it.

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Got permanent writer's cramp? Check out more oddball items like duck calls, money clips, and bottle openers at Craftiness' web store.