thrillist

If you’ve got Forrest Gump's paddle skills, and considerably more of the social variety, you need to get to Chalk: Miami’s first ping pong/pool lounge, which transformed the old Washington Federal Bank into a basement-y gaming mecca with pink/blue lighting, waitresses who hate clothing, multiple bars, and, like most places that have ping pong, bottle service.

The ponging’s as serious as it gets, thanks to four International Table Tennis Federation-approved Cornilleau tables hosting open play and single-elimination tourneys, plus three more stashed in private rooms (which you can get into for an hourly fee, or via monthly/yearly memberships), in addition to board games and a billiards room in the original vault, where every shot’s a bank shot. Or if it’s not, you’ll need a combo! Boosh!

To get in a proper mood to shout “you seriously playing with a Halex 53700 paddle, loser?!”, you can iPad-order an international lineup of suds, plus cocktails like the Dropkick Murphy (tequila, muddled pepper slices, agave, OJ) and the coconut vodka/muddled blueberry Blue Balls, because even though the ping pong kind are white, there had to be a blue balls joke in this piece somewhere.

To reward you for being generally awesome, and also reading three-plus entire sentences, the first 25 readers who RSVP to tonight's grand opening bash (free drinks from 10-11p!), will score a free year-long membership worth $500 -- fail to take advantage, and you’ll be forever cursed to go around telling people you’re not a smart man.

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Um, it's a year full of free ping pong and pool! Hurry the hell up and try to snag yours by RSVP'ing Thrillist@chalkmiami.com for tonight's shindig, then hit up ChalkMiami.com to stay on top of all the other updates.