The Alley Sports Tavern Take in a game, beer

Too much baseball can drive even a diehard crazy, or so says Jose Canseco's third personality, Zeenok. For a rehashed Warehouse District sports bar that's dialed the baseball way back: The Alley Sports Tavern.

86ing the baseball crap that coated the former Smalley's 87, the new ownership behind The Alley have also overhauled the American-comfort menu and reimagined the space (closed off the kitchen, added high-end finishes like a granite bar), despite their mantra that "every day is game day", which is also why getting lunch with Mystery is really annoying. The menu's got mega burgers highlighted by a jalapenos/bacon joint served on a buttermilk biscuit (stuffed and topped with pepper jack), protein-y entrees from steak to walleye, and apps like a jalapeño pickle wrapped in pastrami & cream cheese and called the "Pastrami Pickle Roll-Up", which sounds like a pretty tight rap song about riding up to a Jewish deli on spinners. Should you just want to soak your whistle, they've got 20-plus taps w/ newly cleaned/ improved lines (Deschutes Mirror Pond, Grain Belt Nordeast, an array of Summits), $10 for all-you-can-drink domestics on Thursdays, a bevy of wines, and specialty 'tails like the vodka/ Champagne/ lemon twist "Cougar-Tini," which'll hurt so good when it's thrown in your eye by anyone seeing you drink a Cougar-Tini.

The Alley's alley will also have rejiggered bars, and big-screen HDTVs, which hopefully will be playing the game -- no, death to all ball players! -- shut up! -- let him talk!