The Bellwether "Restaurant and Raw DJ Bar"

As you know from virtually every chips commercial ever, if your party spread sucks, your guests will harshly ditch you for whichever of your otherwise pathetic neighbors was thoughtful enough to stock Bugles. For a hard-partying place with optimal eats, get to The Bellwether, soft-opening this weekend, aiming to get hard on the 14th.

From the team behind Anella and Saint Vitus, Bellwether is aiming to be part restaurant, part successor to McCarren Park Pool Parties, a dual mission manifested in a "big, nice bar" that plays host to both iced bivalves and a DJ station (they feel compelled to tell you that the DJs will be clothed, but there'll surely be oyster wardrobe malfunctions). Other locally purveyed nosh hits on NY's various cultural flavors, and stretches from crackling-sided tripe mole poblano, to BBQ'd, cherry tomato-jammed black bass, a far more manageable meal than the white Baas' 312lbs. Assisted by a booming back room, bashes kick off this weekend with Sat's friends/family starring No Ordinary Monkey -- whose promo materials involving sharks, rainbows, asses, and other asses make regular monkeys look even less cool -- and Sun's open Save Us Williamsburg shindig, the first of a bi-monthly which this time'll feature Ron Like Hell & Ryan Smith's mellow dinner tunes, followed by dancing and "Balearic Sunday jams".

You'll get fueled by "natural wines", micro- and "uniquely brewed" suds, and the Sierra Nevada Righteous Rye/Dickel house boilermaker, because if anybody knows how to lay out an effective spread, it's... Joe Tiller!