Capitale All that glitters... is in this club

Once in a while, it can be fun to check out a place that's a little over the top, which is just one more reason it'd suck to be Tom Cruise. So why not celebrate your abundant height at Capitale, a temple to extravagance opening tonight on -- obvs -- K Street.

From the guys behind Public Bar, Capitale sort of looks like if King Midas got loose in the Yale library after drinking a bunch of appletinis: four massive, golden columns (Doric, son!) dominate the modestly named "Great Hall", though it's also home to lustrous chandeliers and floor-to-ceiling bookshelves where you really ought to spend some time if you A) don't know King Midas, B) don't know Doric columns, or C) went anywhere besides Yale. The 40ft wooden bar's backed by four 55in TVs that you won't watch at all due to the raised platforms specially designed (for girls) to dance on; and, when you tire of looking at them, enjoy the visage of the one man who has arguably sexier hair by checking out a custom portrait of E! star and superfluous-cane pioneer Scott Disick.

And while they're still curating the vendor list, they do plan to counter the glitz somewhat with a rotating food truck happy hour, parking them in valet spots so club-goers can bring their wares back inside. Oh, and there won't be a cover, so unlike Tom, you'll never have to worry about being a little short.