These days, almost everyone caters to the MTV generation's short attention span, from Hollywood's frantic editing, to the National Guard's frantic 3 Doors Down recruitment video. Now, not even the restaurant world's sacred, with The Bazaar by José Andrés, soft opening Monday.

Semi-partitioned by curtains, Bazaar's a sprawling enclave festooned with ADD-friendly surprises like Viking-horned chairs and LED screens flashing 17th Century paintings transforming into monkeys. Because sitting still for ten minutes totally sucks, your bill follows you around as you enjoy three mini-venues, each with distinct small-plates menus:

Bar Centro: Dominated by one huge common table, BC serves an int'l mishmash including "new style sushi", caviar served w/ steamed buns and crème fraîche, and jamón & chorizo tapas. The mixology's molecular, i.e., margs topped with foamy "salt air" and martinis garnished with "spherications" -- thin-skinned balls of olive juice, so one false move turns your martini dirty.

Rojo Y Blanca/Patio: Twin dining rooms (one white, the other red) and a patio adorned with African masks serve up tapas both "traditional" (paprika garlic chorizo; goat cheese w/crispy bread) and "modern" (green asparagus and black truffles w/macadamias; seared cantaloupe w/arugula and grapefruit salad; and a Kobe "Philly Cheesesteak" made with "air bread" -- take your Philly friends here, and they'll push your flaky Cali ass in front of a bus).
The Patisserie: A Euro-style dessert peddler, with a huge-windowed kitchen plating up homemade candy like taffy w/lime and saffron gum drops wrapped in edible paper, plus more substantial sweets like tres chocolate mousse, yogurt sorbet w/Pop Rocks, and "Nitro Coconut Floating Island" (and you thought Nitro and Malibu didn't get along).

For when even ten stationary minutes becomes a chore, there'll be roving carts serving specials ranging from salmon roe w/cream cheese to foie gras w/corn nuts -- refreshingly crunchy, though even as you finish your first, you're already ready to snap into a Slim Jim.

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Check out the crazy dining room menu here