The true test of man is not how useful he can be, but the pains he'll take to avoid putting those skills to practice, even if that means the sink becomes his commode, the stove burner becomes his toaster, and his GF becomes his ex-GF. Keeping you gleefully inactive, Assured Labor.

Created by recent Harvard/MIT biz school grads and still in beta, AL's a Boston-based web and mobile marketplace for services, providing quickly filled short-term job opportunities by connecting "urban professionals with affordable service providers", which almost definitely has nothing to do with discount hooker sex. Just post what you're looking for (e.g., movers, dog walker, home/computer repairs), and AL'll notify their database of providers via text message/email so they can respond pronto; you end up with quicker service, and a sweet deal because the labor comes from "less traditional" pools like "college students, stay-at-home parents, and individuals not consistently connected to the Internet" -- so, really, laid-off derivatives traders pretending to be one of those. Once they repair your modem and walk your mom, both parties can rate each other anonymously on a five-star, comment-enabled system, letting the worker build cred by being called out for a solid job, and you being called out for making him walk your mom.

In the future, AL plans to "rapidly expand into emerging markets where the opportunity is even greater", although it's hard to imagine a better opportunity than the very house that contains an old pile of dog-eared Cargo mags you use as a coffee table.

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That modem ain't going to sign on to AOL by itself...get help now at AssuredLabor.com