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Skedouche

Holidays are great -- Mom cooks up a mighty meal, Dad wraps presents by the fire, and you go to your girlfriend's, since her parents actually live together, and aren't weeping while performing the above. Ensuring you're at least properly attired, Skedouche.

The brainchild of a dude frustrated with having to shop the women's dept for outrageously gaudy holiday sweaters, 'douche is a line of "tacky-meets-inappropriate-meets-offensive" over-the-top X-mas jumpers guaranteed to win the office ugly sweater contest without ever having to hit Goodwill, though he certainly deserves it after that "do you like apples" stunt. Naughty jaw-droppers include the navy snowflake/striped Reindeer Threesome that boldly puts a red-nosed Rudolph in the middle of a menage; a loud red with green/white collar & cuffs crewneck sporting an "excited" snowman with carrot/coal below the belt; and two pairs of humping deer on the aptly titled Reindeer Games, for which you can hit Affleck, too -- seriously, he won't even be mad, he knows it sucks. Other gaudy fun includes a snug-fit, bright green remote-controlled cardigan complete with a flashing LED'd image of Santa and his Rockette-esque dancing reindeer; a royal blue LED mock turtleneck that reads "Merry Christmas" below Santa coming out of a chimney; and a black w/ red lace-up collar 3D pullover with a pic of a roaring fireplace hung with three real, removable stockings -- so at least something is well-hung! Burn!

And in case sweaters ain't enough, they've also got a wooden peppermint stick walking cane, and an acrylic red/white candy cane scarf with a frayed edge, which is what Mom might display when you let drop that Dad Tivo'd the Peanuts special.

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