Own The most innovative electric scooter, like, ever

Infinitely more exciting than the cardboard kind, BOXX is the work of a Portland designer/ engineer, and maybe one of the smartest vehicles ever: a stylishly futuristic electric moped that packs seven patented/ registered trademarked, never-before-seen, capital-letter-happy tech innovations into its compact stature, and therefore just wrested the title of Most Entertaining Small Wonder Ever away from Vicki.

Some of what sets this sucker apart from your Honda Spree:

Drive: The HUB system allows each tire to be driven by its own electric motor enclosed in sturdy, laser-cut, aerospace-grade aluminum wheels.

Control: The DRIVE system enables traction control, anti-lock braking, and acceleration control (which does stuff like ensure you won’t go flying off the thing if leaning back) via monitors that recognize rider position/vehicle attitude, which is way better than KITT's -- he was such a know-it-all.

Power: The rechargable CORE power supply offers up to 80 miles of range, and can get this sucker up to 45mph, although it’s governed at 28mph due to moped laws. Never fear though: if you have a moto license, you'll eventually be able to send them your control module and have them recalibrate it to let you get speeding tickets on what appears to be a giant PC tower with handlebars.

Safety: The LIGHTGUARD system uses green lasers to project highly visible virtual lane markings on either side of the BOXX so drivers keep their distance, or if they’re really awesome, fire lasers back at you.

You can score one of the first 100 BOXXes (which somehow even have “about two grocery bags' worth” of lockable storage inside) for under $4K after choosing from among 10 different body colors, and options like heated seats. You'll also be allowed exclusive test drives as you wait for your ride to be completed and ready for you to drive within a year, during which the dad from Small Wonder can probably also make you four really socially awkward children who sleep in closets.