Chicago

837 W Fulton Market St, at N Green; West Town; 312.733.9555

Dominated by an armada of walnut tables joined to form a single communal one, the Blackbird/avec team's take on boisterous Euro brasseries and beer halls slings 150+ global bottles and 12 taps, from Norway's Nøgne Ø God Jul Winter Ale to Munster, Indiana's Munsterfest. The menu's anchored by heirloom pork & seafood, including house-made charcuterie (crispy-skinned pork belly, country terrine, Morteau sausage), tripe & blood sausage gratin, wood-roasted black sea bass, and oysters from exotically dismal locales like Strangers Bay and Desolation Sound -- or, what escapes your mouth just before saying, "Ø God, I'm in Munster, Indiana".

Available by the bottle or quarterly & yearly "subscription", these just-released, ltd-edition varietals feature labels rocking vintage Playboy covers. When interviewed, the 2003 Schug Heritage Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon said her "turn ons" include "meats and dense cheeses", while her "turn offs" are "Criss Angel and Hank Baskett".

At Akira Men: 1922 W North Ave, between N Winchester and N Wolcott; Bucktown; 312.423.6693

Though they feature some odes to speed (a Ferrari front end, the Quaker State logo), these vintage-style tees mostly feature old-school art from iconic bands like AC/DC, Run-DMC, The Dead, and The Stones; they're also weathered enough to look like you caught Mick, Keith, etc, back when they too were odes to speed.

3419 N Clark St, between W Newport and W Roscoe; Wrigleyville; 773.525.7711

Risque's added an epic item to their menu: six slices of battered & deep-fat-fried country style bacon w/ white bacon gravy dipping sauce on the side. On Sunday they'll break out four bottles of Absolut, all of them infused with three-month aged bacon, maple syrup, and black peppercorn -- the perfect way to celebrate surviving three days of deep-fat-fried-fat.

15110 S La Grange Rd; Orland Park; 708.364.8380

Kanye just opened the first of ten planned Chicagoland outposts of this Cali fast-food giant, serving up the likes of the 1/3lb Fatburger, the 1/2lb Kingburger, and the fat-tastic Triple Kingburger, all guaranteed to get you on "The New Workout Plan".