It'd be great to be able to issue ridiculous rock star demands, but do you really want to be responsible for Del Preston beating a shop-owner to death with his own shoe? Skip the violence, with Hotel Sax's Celebrity Rider Packages.

The boutique hotel's ballsing up 2-nighters in suites by giving guests the benefits of three different musical acts' ludicrous contract clauses, plus VIP access to the lobby's Crimson Lounge and entree into the HOB Foundation Room. The unreasonable sweetness:

• Common Zen: Bask in chillness amongst burning incense and earth-tone-scarve-covered lampshades as you bliss out to a Zune loaded w/ the rapper's fave tunes (Miles Davis, John Coltrane...his own). Nourishment includes Stella, Red Stripe, sangria, and Krispy Kremes; there's also an in-room yoga lesson, 'cause as Common sagely observes, "I'm a Dr. Pepper, wouldn't you like to be a Pepper two-steppin through, yodel-le-hee-hoo!"
• Rock Like the Red Hot Chili Peppers: The Peppers' newfound tranquility's repped by an acoustic guitar, loaded juice bar, and smoothie maker; past mayhem's referenced via buckets brimming with Heineken and a dashing pair of tube socks, great when you need to hit the ice machine and you already ate your robe.
• Glam Nights Like Jennifer Lopez: Your "peaceful oasis" comes bedecked with white lilies and butt-expanding nibbles ranging from chocolate chip cookies to apple pie; you'll also be treated to full-body in-room spa service -- after eating a whole pie, you'd hate to traumatize other guests in the hotel spa.

Though this silly opulence is already pricey, for a bit more cash you can upgrade to the Presidential Suite -- where else is there room for a brandy glass filled with 1000 brown M&Ms?

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Get your inner rocker on at HotelSaxChicago.com