Ever since rap ascended to an art form, there have been those who thought "Hey, I could do that!" They are wrong. Documenting those choicest cases of rap fail, Rappers That Suck.
Started in Chi by a couple of music industry folks captivated by the joy of terrible rap MySpace spam, RTS scours the Web (and reader submissions) for the assorted handiwork of hysterically awful rappers -- their cringeworthy flows, their delusions of grandeur, their poorly conceived video concepts -- bringing them all together in a virtual showcase of musical and lyrical horror. Much of the material is drawn from amateurs hoping to viral video their way into the big time, from rap battles gone sour to freestyle failures ("Mash you out/Make you a fine powder/Go and take you to Long John Silver and sell you to the ... chowder?") to one guy whose stirring live performance caused him to vomit all over the stage, most likely after hearing his own stirring live performance. More established acts don't escape their critical ear, like Soulja Boy protege Arab (basically a teenager bragging in various parking lots, like high school), the ever-amazing K-Fed at the Teen Choice awards, and Connecticut artist Reh Dogg, who spends a heavy proportion of his "Why Must I Cry" video inexplicably lathering himself in the shower, undoing all the goodwill Ironhead Heyward built up for body wash.
K-Fed is hardly the only entry from that gold mine of bad rap known as white people: There's a morning TV traffic girl laying down the ill Winston-Salem highway drive times (really), Dartmouth educated Young Cons dropping fire rhymes about the capital gains tax, and from way back in the bad rap vault, the "Super Broker Shuffle" from the Southern Food Brokerage, who thought to themselves "Hey, I could rap worse than Gary Fencik!" They were right.
Published: September 4, 2009 at 4:00am EDT
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