thrillist

No matter how flashy your car or crisp your suit, nothing screams "VIP" more than employing an impassive professional ready to punish all the people who wish you harm. Fool everyone into thinking you're important enough to be hated, with Table 4 Ten.

T4T is a Chicago-based concierge service offering both the basic (personal butler, limo, dinner reservations, VIP club seating) and the Sultan of Brunei-y (private jet and chartered yacht bachelor party with stops in Chicago, NYC, Paris, Barcelona, and Ibiza). But their most imposing service is their rentable security detail: for $200 a night, a hulking, black-suited, MMA-trained monster will deal with staff, protect your space from creeping idiots, politely ask ladies to join your party, and even escort you to the bathroom (girl talk's free, holding your hair costs extra). For something less showy but more heavily armed, T4T staffs former Special Forces officers who will pack heat, case the venue for escape points, and wear cool earpieces while scanning the crowds for threats like ninjas and Schaumburg bachelorette parties.

Of course, to pull off the illusion, it helps to look at least nominally important. To that end T4T can also hook you up with a $1000 custom suit that looks like $5000, or a Lamborghini or Ferrari -- though there won't be room for any women, because you're sure as hell not going to tell Vinnie to walk.

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Muscle up at Table4Ten.com