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Thrillist Dallas

The Armor Horse Vault XXL

Earth's most fortified party bus

Knowing you're the last of your kind lends you a certain bad-ass nobility, unless you're Sean Connery in DragonHeart, in which case you just make everyone want to finish the job. Ride around in a solitary beast: the Armor Horse Vault XXL, now rentable by the common man only at Platinum Motorcars.

Perhaps the most ostentatious and secure VIP ride on the planet, this stretch armored car is actually the only vehicle like it ever made, and'll stay that way since its Carrollton maker just went under; unlike the company's converted 1980s Brinks vans, the Horse is a from-the-ground-up custom job based around an International commercial truck chassis and powered by an Allison tranny'd 620ft-lb-of-torque diesel, with room inside for up to 28, unless you're super-close, in which case 46. The size of a not-short school bus, the exterior's lined with G-40 steel/composite ballistic paneling that'll stop most heavy firepower (M-14 rifle, Uzi, shotgun...), plus bullet-resistant glass, even for the entire driver's cabin; five video cameras track outside goings-on through plated ports originally designed for guns, but which sadly can't be reconverted just because some pedestrian yells "Nice stabbin' wagon, herbs!". The LED-lit, wood-paneled interior's tall enough for a 6'5" guy to stand up straight, and features a blue-backlit wet bar, six satellite-powered plasmas (with DVD and PS3, of course), an 8,000-watt surround-sound system, an auto-retractable stripper pole, and fabrics specially designed to repel odors, hopefully not wafting off whoever's working the pole.

Should you, your friends, and some only marginally offensive warm bodies decide to rent the Horse, you'll be following in the footsteps of Shaq, P. Diddy, and T.O., who'd be the last person in the world to plead "My time is over! Strike!"

ExhortAdd this to My Thrillist

ExhortRental rate: $3K for six hours, minimum, but mileage is unlimited! See and be secure at PlatinumMotorcars.net.

The Armor Horse Vault XXL (Emailed on April 5, 2010)

Available at Platinum Motorcars: 11430 N Central Expwy; North Dallas; 469.374.9090

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