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Defiant Damsel

Denver

It can be tough to appreciate even quality needlework, mostly 'cause the MLB kept stubbornly insisting that Jose Canseco play in a shirt. Avoid emb-roid rage with some more highbrow needle-ing: Defiant Damsel.

Making cross-stitch even awesomer, Jersey-born Damsel mocks up well-selected pop culture references on her computer (framed 5" x 7" or 7" x 5") before straight crocheting the hell out of them, which can apparently take up to 80 hours apiece, a marathon that'd leave most people completely Lost. TV-themed stitchery runs from a purple-suited, gold-chained Mr. T with "I pity the fool", to Jessie Spano's "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so scared", to a Top Chef: Chicago contestant's "I have a culinary boner", meaning his culinary head was temporarily almost as big as Giada De Laurentiis'. Silver screen-gems include The Big Lebowski's Dude abiding in his trademark shades, Office Space's "Damn it feels good to be a gangster", as well as a remarkably lifelike headshot of Depp as Edward Scissorhands, who, ironically, you don't want anywhere near your cross-stitch. Depp, that is -- he's a filthy crochet thief.

Less categorizably, she's got comedian one-liners (like Hedberg's "Saved by the buoyancy of citrus"), and all sorts of random tribal tattoos, which Canseco's jersey must've concealed many of, as he's clearly not afraid to get Sioux'd.

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