With the economy spiraling out of control, soon the only things stock markets will be good for will be funny photos of sad traders and...dancing! Evidence of the latter: Versus LA.

Versus is a gargantuan, 35,000sq-foot nightclub housed in the former Stock Exchange Building -- abandoned since 1985, now resurrected as a 6-bar, three-level ode to both capitalistic excess and shaking what your momma dividend'd you. The deal:

• Ground Floor: A 200-capacity room w/a ventilated smoking lounge and table-ringed concrete pools illuminated by floating tea lights -- so you'll never have to ask for a light, but you will have to ask for a towel.
• Main Floor: Just off the marble staircase behind original copper doors is a tiny mojito lounge. Beyond that the main room boasts 40ft ceilings, a 50ft bar, a bottle-service mezzanine, and an 8-speaker Martin Black Box sound system w/light setup and laser show -- just like the planetarium, minus hoping Principal Huntington doesn't know you're high.
• Third Floor: A swank, black-carpeted VIP suite w/ its own sound system overlooking the whole shebang. Unlimited bottle service is included with rental. Rental = enough cash to stock an apartment party with an entire Ralph's liquor aisle.

Opening week's got three parties RSVPable for Thrillisters: this Friday's get-out-the-vote bash with Travis McCoy and ?uestlove; next Thursday's trib-band blowout w/odes to Floyd, Zeppelin, and AC/DC; and an exclusive Oct 25 shindig featuring free food+drink and the musical stylings of Dave Navarro -- who despite the times is sitting pretty, because eyeliner's stock never drops.

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