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Red Square Spa
Wicker Park's Russian bathhouse and bar

Chicago

Originally opened back when the Cubs were a perennial powerhouse (1906), Division Street Russian and Turkish Baths became a hotspot visited by the likes of Al Capone and Rev. Jesse Jackson before shuttering a couple of years ago. But fear not, it's now relaunched as Red Square, allowing you to combine your vodka with amenities like the above co-ed sauna

An all-day pass gets you admission to the spa, a robe, sandals, and a microchip-embedded wristband so you won’t lose your locker key even when you’re buck naked. In Russia, wristband wears you

They have Swedish, deep tissue, and warm stone massages for both loners and couples

If the heat's your thing, either go back to Miami or hit this a jacuzzi tub, then get hotter with wet and dry saunas that reach up to 180 degrees

The bar's design is just a few minarets short of emulating the city center in Moscow. Russia’s Red Square is where most major highways meet and where most dashboard cameras long to film crazy meteorites

The Moscow Mule (vodka, ginger beer, lime) is served in a copper mug and somehow made it through customs

An Italian take on a French 75, the Venetian 88 subs out champagne with Prosecco while adding orange bitters and lemon, and is not to be confused with a Norwegian 69, banned in most bathhouses

The dining room is designed like a 19th-century Ukrainian train complete with curtained televisions playing video of the countryside

A spoonful of Hackleback caviar, and... more vodka

The scallops are served with cauliflower puree, caviar and, more vodka! (Not pictured, but they'll bring it if you ask.

Pelmini pork dumplings with cabbage are plated with sour cream and dill that resembles an ugly Christmas sweater, but tastes better. Probably. Never actually tried Christmas sweater.

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1. Red Square Spa 1914 W Division St, Chicago, IL 60622

Originally opened in 1906, Division Street Russian and Turkish Baths was a hotspot visited by the likes of Al Capone and Rev. Jesse Jackson. Now relaunched as Red Square, this bathhouse offers a spa, tanning salon, steam baths, coed sauna, restaurant, and a bar for those looking to catch a buzz while getting man-some.

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