Scientists have taken a break from figuring out why beer is good for you to bring some important news: 007 is a full-blown alcoholic.
Anyone who's watched a single Bond movie might reach the same conclusion, but two doctors devoted half their year to studying Bond's alcohol consumption in the Ian Fleming novels. Turns out, dude knows how to party. The super-spy tanked an average of 65.2 units per week, and that's taking into account days when he was in jail and unable to imbibe. To put that in perspective, the UK's National Health Service recommends that men should drink no more than 21 units a week.
Unsurprisingly, this boozing puts Bond in the highest risk group for depression, hypertension, and cirrhosis, as well as, ahem, performance problems, but the movies are all PG-13 so you'd never know anyway.
The docs even postulated that Bond's famous "shaken not stirred" martini -- which is totally wrong, by the way -- might've been his way of coping with alcohol-induced tremors, which would be less noticeable if he was shaking his self-poured martinis rather than stirring. It's all pretty interesting, and proves that even stuffy doctors are secret Moonraker fans.