The Big Aristotle is making his own Shaq-sized cream sodas, and they're under a buck

Admit it. All those years that you anxiously watched Shaq's Hall of Fame career as a TNT analystrapperHollywood genie dominant center, what you were really thinking was, "What would it be like to taste a beverage made from fluid that has been wrung out of that man's sopping wet jersey?" Finally, Arizona (the company that makes iced tea, not the state) has made that dream of yours a reality (well, not exactly), announcing a line of soft drinks called Soda Shaq.

They're planning to release 50 million cans to the market in June, in flavors like Vanilla Cream Soda, Blueberry Cream Soda, Strawberry Cream Soda, and Orange Cream Soda. Like all of Arizona's 23.5oz cans, these'll be just 99 cents, so you could affordably drink them at every meal and some day be listed at "325lbs" yourself! But don't worry: they're made with 4% rotten tomatoes! "all natural" ingredients.

Shaq holding a Soda Shaq