Seattle's justly famous for producing world-class craft brews, but if you spend all of your time choosing between triple-hopped suds from the latest nano-brewery and a bacon-flavored brown ale, you might miss out on the city's sweet swill alternatives. Luckily, our Seattle editor Brad Foster is here to help you drink in the best that Seatown has to offer. And yes, that does include beer.
Best Club: Seattle doesn't really do clubs. There are no bottles, no VIP rooms, no velvet ropes -- just kids from the 'burbs filling a few spots in Pioneer Square or Belltown. Capitol Hill's Q is something different: a gleaming EDM edifice with the most powerful sound system on the West coast, no dress code, and their own line of vodka. It's a place that people who live in Seattle actually go to.
Best Cocktail Bar: In the wake of Murray Stenson's departure from Zig Zag, there're a handful of sweet cocktails spots vying to be Seattle's best. Liberty is the most laid-back, Canon the most serious, Bathtub Gin and Knee High Stocking Company the most speakeasy-ish, Tavern Law the "coolest", and Vessel the most approachable. Try 'em all to see the difference.
Best for Work: Close to both the downtown business district and the Amazon-dominated South Lake Union, Vessel is the perfect post-work spot for some light nosh and a next-level cocktail prepped by a rotating crew of bartenders, culled from the city's top spots.
Best Drink: Aged cocktails, meticulously crafted prohibition-era imbibeables, house-infused liquors & bitters... there're plenty of places to get those. But the only place you can get an outrageous, only slightly ironic $50 margarita w/ 100yr Grand Marnier & Patron Platinum is at West Seattle's Mission.
Best Wine Bar: A refreshingly simple spot with a tidy selection of Northwest wines (and cocktails made almost exclusively with local spirits), the Clever Bottle is the kind of place to pretend you're sophisticated while subtly ogling the crowd of legitimately sophisticated women this place usually attracts.
Best Beer Bar: Many a watering hole here is dedicated to craft suds, but the Pine Box takes the top spot over places like the Burgundian and Brouwer's because its setting inside an old funeral home is to... (sigh)... die for. Yup. Killed it with that joke... and then did it again!
Best Local Beer:With so many options, it's hard to believe most people aren't at least a little inebriated all the time/can't pick just one, but if you have to, hit Emerald City Beer Company's space in the old Rainier brewery and, in addition to sampling some experimental drafts, pound a racily arted can of Dottie's Seattle Lager.
Best Local Hang: It may not look like much from the outside, but on the inside, Vito's is an affectionate, partly ironic homage to hard-drinking decades past, right down to the throwback Italian eats, old-school lounge acts, and extensive use of red vinyl.
Best Brewery: Most breweries have a tasting room or restaurant, and some of them, like Bellevue Brewing Company and Fremont's Outlander, are particularly sweet. But the best is obviously Maritime's pirate-themed Jolly Roger taproom where, in addition to next-level beers, they've got tempura-fried bacon and Seattle's best sliders.
Best Jukebox: Any bar with a motto like "alcoholics serving alcoholics since 1929", all-day breakfast, and a jukebox playing Coltrane, The Pixies, Tom Waits, and... um, Wham, is probably the place for you. So why aren't you at Mecca Cafe & Bar right now?
Best Outdoor Spot: If it's one of the 71 days a year that it's not at least partially cloudy, then Marination Ma Kai is where you want to be. This Alki Beach-adjacent offshoot of one of Seattle's best food trucks serves Hawaiian-influenced street food in a beer garden that overlooks downtown.
Best Place to Day Drink: You might think you're dreaming when you're greeted by Pike Place Bar & Grill's old-school divy vibe, seriously cheap drinks, and view overlooking Pike Place Market, but you'll be snapped into reality as soon as you hurriedly order an afternoon's worth of shots.
Best for Partying: Von Trapp's is what takes the place of nightclubs among discerning Seattleites. The cavernous space boasts two giant bars prepping unique, beer-based cocktails, five indoor bocce courts, and shareable eats that include housemade sausages. Note that it even has lines like a nightclub, so unless you like the sound of music (get it!? Von Trapps? The Sound of Music?) from outside, get there early.
Hottest Girls: Big-top-circus-inspired Unicorn is located in the heart of Capitol Hill's busiest nightlife strip and has multiple levels/bawdily named cocktails/fried candy bars for dessert. Plus Macklemore's Thrift Shop video was shot there, so it's likely that the lovely hipster ladies who flock there actually prefer dudes who dress funny.
Easiest Place to Get Laid: If you're having trouble picking up the chicks at Lower Queen Anne's Pesos (or at the nearby Toulouse Petit, or Ozzie's) just wait till all the guys who play for the Sounders (and anyone pretending they do) leave, then move in for an easy kill.