For those keeping score (everyone), New York just nabbed a point in the Chicago vs. NYC rivalry by stealing the "tallest building in America" crown from the Willis Tower. Some Windy City diehards aren't taking the news too well, and decided to dredge up the old "who has the best pizza?" debate in their rage.
Well, noted New York Person Jon Stewart was having NONE of that on his show last night, and proceeded to present a rant against Chicago-style deep dish pizza so epic, it required necrophilia analogies. We gathered his seven best insults below, so prepare to get either very angry or very smug.
7. "I realize it's very cold in Chicago. Very cold, it's windy, and you need to be able to, I don't know, have a pizza and maybe cut it open and climb inside it like a Tauntaun to keep warm."
6. "The sauce, naked and cold. On display like some sort of sauce whore."
5. "Deep dish pizza is not only not better than New York pizza, it's not pizza. It's a f**ing casserole. I'm surprised you haven't thought to complete your deep dish pizza by putting some canned onion rings on top of it."
4. "When I look at your deep dish f**ing pizza, I don't know whether to eat it or throw a coin in it and make a wish."
3. "Lemme tell you something about your f**ing not-pizza: I wanna know when I get drunk and pass out on my pizza that I'm not gonna drown."
2. "This is an above-ground marinara swimming pool for rats."
1. "You know the expression there's no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza? Your pizza is like sex with a corpse made of sandpaper!"
Riled up? Then watch the whole shebang: