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Ice cream eagles, "Squirrels' Surprise", and more bizarre menu items from the 1800s

Between all the cronuts, do'sants, and wafklavles, it's hard enough to keep up with current food lingo, let alone remember the weird stuff our nation's founders ate back when wigs were powdered and all cherry trees were in serious peril. Luckily, we were able to reacquaint ourselves with those menu items of yore by taking a deep dive through the New York Public Library's massive menus database, which you can browse for yourself over here. But before you do, feast your eyes on some of the most hilariously mystifying, anachronistic dishes we found from the 1800s. Hopefully our Chili's menus will be just as entertaining to the robot overlords 200 years from now.

The 11 oldest menu items in America
New York Public Library
For customers who are vegetarian, but still want that great turtle taste!
New York Public Library
Okay, "The Irving", let's pick this apart. 1) How hard is it to make whale blubber look like the Washington Monument? 2) The hair in the salad better not be ginger. 3) We looked up what a banged tail is, and, well, why were you grooming the dead horse's butt-area?
31 apologies you should make to your bartender
New York Public Library
Don't worry, it just means the eels are split along the back, then broiled or fried. You sicko.
New York Public Library
This menu was apparently the food line-up for Benjamin Harrison's 1889 inaugural ball, and they clearly had some fun with the cutesy, politically-themed names. Still, it would've been stronger with a Terrarium of 4th Amendment Mousse.
The 29 best house rules from bars across America
New York Public Library
While imagining some mashed potatoes sculpted into a pair of opera glasses is pretty fun, this order has nothing on the dessert section further down this menu...