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True Reefer Madness: Food and drink made with weed that WON'T get you high

Food made with marijuana: it's great! Except when it doesn't even do the things that marijuana is supposed to do. Then it's just confusing. So, prepare to be baffled by nine products that are full of hemp, yet won't make you laugh at Two and a Half Men.

BB Ranch
Pot Pigs
Washington State, you so crazy. Not only have you made it kosher to walk around with recreational reefer, you brought us the folks at BB Ranch, who noticed their neighbors had a lot of extra marijuana lying around, so they started feeding it to their pigs. The end result? You don't get high, and neither do the pigs, although supposedly they do taste more weed-y.
Aaron Miller
Cannabis Energy Drink
It's a fruity-ish drink with a lot of the same energy supplements as Red Bull, and it kinda, almost tastes like it, albeit with a hint of Mary Jane aftertaste. Like Red Bull, it might give you some wings, but it's sure not getting you high. Despite those wings.
Nature's Path
Hemp Waffles
In a nifty turn, waffles that're full of -- and taste like -- hemp are considered health food.
Cannabia
Cannabia
So, it turns out that weed was kinda commonly used as an ingredient in German beer up until the emergence of the German beer purity law, which stipulated you could only use hops in your beer, even though hops are in the same family as cannabis. Fast-forward nearly 500yrs, and the EU lifted the law, so we now have Cannabia, a THC-less, weed-tinged brew in an otherwise traditional German style.
Blowdom
Blowdom Condom
So, it's not food. But it might end up in some really safe person's mouth. There's no THC, but the smell and taste are supposedly spot on -- just hope she thinks it's a blunt, not a roach.
Matt Frazier
Tempt Ice Cream
There is such a thing as hemp milk, and there's actually a company using it to make ice cream, so you don't have to stray from the herb when you really, really need some ice cream.
A Thirsty Spirit
Cannabis Absinthe
Spanish absinthe-maker (absinthier?) Antonio Nadal infused normal, crazy, high(!)-proof, wormwood-adled absinthe with a ton of cannabis seeds. The result: a kind of licorice flavor mixed with weed flavor, that has no THC but'll still get you messed up, just in a different, cooler way.
Redhook
Redhook's Joint Effort
Finally, an American beer that doesn't just reference bud on the label, but actually uses the plant in the brewing process. With no THC, it should technically be legal across the country, but, for now, the Washingtonian brewery is playing it safe and keeping it within The Evergreen State. The Evergreen state. Sorry.
Amsterdam Candy
Gummy Bears
These're designed to taste like "sticky green bud", as is everything else made by Amseterdam Candy, including its cookies, a syrup for mixed drinks, and even its coffee, making it more or less the decaf of the weed world.

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