What the amount you tip says about you
Whether you're ordering a drink or deciding whether to save a kitten from a tree (better luck next time, Meowsers), your actions say a lot about you. That's extra-true when you're leaving a tip at a restaurant -- whether you're deciding to drop 20% or a few nickels, your tipping etiquette isn't just a representation of your inner self, it's how the people who touch your food will perceive you.
And you should probably never anger the people who touch your food. Keep reading to see if you are.
You calculate most of your tips on your iPhone, and probably never deviate beyond standard tipping procedure. You are generally very proud of yourself.
You've worked in a restaurant before and understand that a little more than what's expected can make somebody's night, or you're terrible at math. After all, figuring out 20% is easier than 15%. You think anyone who needs their iPhone to figure out a tip is a tool.
You're probably someone who worked your way through college as a waiter, and now that you're well off, you know you can make somebody's night. Either that, or the server is very good looking and you think that maybe flashing your wad will buy some love. It won't... unless you are also very good looking.
A lottery ticket
You watched that Nicolas Cage movie where he did this. Also, you walk around with extra lottery tickets in your pocket. And own National Treasure on Blu-ray. He steals the Declaration of Independence in that one! Now THAT'D be a great tip.
A note with your phone number saying you'll tip with dinner on Saturday
You are generally creepy, but you're not creepy enough to just bite your lip and hire an escort.
A few pennies
You are upset with the service, and are making a point to leave a crappy tip so the server is aware you are upset, despite the fact that you were overly friendly throughout the experience and would never say anything to the server's face. You wrote a negative Yelp review while in the bathroom.
You are either one of three people: 1) You strongly believe that tipping is only necessary when the service is great, and probably have a Reservoir Dogs poster in your apartment. 2) You once went to Japan and totally agree that even the expectation of tipping is rude and unnecessary. 3) You were over-served and forgot to tip.
You've been a server before, and never forgot the day somebody tipped you with a big, fat doobie. You've been returning that favor ever since, even at high school car-wash fundraisers. You got arrested for that.
A gift certificate to another restaurant
You got a gift certificate to a restaurant you don't like at an office party, and secretly wish you got that Crock-Pot® Jane in accounting scored. Fu**in' Jane.
You are a practical joker who thinks he is the office prankster. In actuality, they hate you and think you are a cheapskate. Even your mom hates you, and she's a very nice lady!
Fake money with religious rhetoric on the back
You don't realize that you are encouraging atheism and are probably going to hell.