There won't be any talking dogs at the Drunken Clam unless you drink their entire barrel of wine, but you should still find the underground clam bar that may or may not realize it's referencing Family Guy, and lies beneath a tofu house, which itself sits beneath a karaoke spot on St. Mark's.
Once downstairs, this long countered hallway leads into a back dining room, while the walls tell you what you're in for.
Ahhhh, the good old days, when America was America, and James Dean and Betty Boop were the two hottest people in it.
There's no better way to be polite than to order OB and Kirin Ichiban in 20 languages nobody understands.
The sakes and sojus are just waiting for you to bomb them, preferably directly from clam shells.
There's that barrel of wine.
And the main attraction: pans of Drunken Clams & Big-Fat Shrimp. Not pictured: the "Best Bud of Beers", which it turns out is not in fact Bud, but a plate of hot wings, calamari & popcorn shrimp.
And so you don't attempt to find this place behind a rack of sunglasses, crappy fedoras, and bongs, here's what it looks like from the outside.