Replacing babies as the most miraculous thing that could possibly be delivered, is Smitty's: an intoxicatingly simple service that will arrive with alcoholic consumables anywhere in Central Austin within an average of 20mins, or about how long it'll take you to finish what'd be your last beer, if it weren't for Smitty's. Some desperate situations where they're sure to save the day:
The Situation: You've slaved all afternoon preparing a feast of Argentinean beef skewers and chimichurri, but now your dinner guests have downed all the wine, and the only grapes left are those of wrath.
Order: their full-bodied Gauchezco Malbec 2009.
The Situation: You've spent the evening at the mercy of this Irish dude whose tolerance is so high you're beginning to suspect he's from Lake Charles or something. The whiskey has run dry, and now he wants dinner.
Order: a six-pack of Guinness.
The Situation: You're engaged in a delirious game of Edward Fortyhands when Tim Burton shows up demanding royalties in the form of 40s, and also demanding to be let in the game, not because he's lonely, just because he thinks it'd be a good way to "research the human condition".
Order: a pair of Mickey's.
The Situation: You've built a time machine to take you back to when it was appropriate for you to throw a raging kegger, but the line for a beer is so long the Tri Delts are all getting ready to leave.
Order: the three-nozzle, foot-pump operated Ubertap, which'll require going back to the future, so be careful you don't accidentally travel backwards to when you were miraculously delivered.
Published: April 30, 2012 at 4:00am EDT
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