21 things Dallas does better than anywhere else
If you've lived in Dallas, you know we have our issues. But we also have our strengths. And not just the ones we develop spending too much time at the gym. We also have these 21 things we do better than anyone:
1. Construction
Roads, buildings... doesn’t matter -- we break it down and build it bigger and better! Play a game next time you drive down 35 and count the orange signs. It's not really a very fun game.
2. Outsized sports expectations
THIS is the year Romo finally puts it together and the Cowboys... finish 8-8.
3. Inexplicably not having an HEB
Dear HEB -- please, please come to Dallas? Did we say please?
4. Getting hailed on
Related thing we do better than anyone: car roof paint jobs.
5. BBQ
Will people disagree with this? Yes. Will they be wrong? Also yes.
6. Spending our parents money
"Thanks Mom and Dad for my $180,000, four year-long party, err... education. I will put this to great use interning this Summer and then spending another three years in law school. You’ve got that covered too, right?"
7. General attractiveness
Texas is the best looking state, Dallas is the best looking city in said state. It's simple math.
8. Having mosquitoes the size of pterodactyls
Does that mean we also have the most nourishing plasma?
9. State fairs
Other states just fry everything in sight. We have a 55ft-tall cowboy AND fry everything in sight.
10. Driving nice cars
This includes Dallasites who can't afford said cars.
11. Revitalizing once-dead areas
Dallas has rebuilt and rebranded more damn-fine neighborhoods than most cities have to begin with; Lakewood, Bishop Arts, Lower Greenville, Deep Ellum, Trinity Groves, and more undoubtedly coming soon.
12. Pretending we’re 21 for a solid decade. Or two.
Dallas is sort of like Never-Never Land, except you do grow up and have to get a job. You just pretend you can still do that job hungover well into your 30s.
13. Pretending Thursday is Friday
See #12.
14. Tacos
Breakfast, street, fajitas -- doesn’t matter. Ours > yours.
15. Making money
Someone has to fund all these entitled 20-somethings. For real though, Dallas is home to some of the wealthiest and most successful people on the planet, and has 18 Fortune 500 companies.
16. Having country songs written about us
"Goin' through the Big D" and we DO mean Dallas. Or how about the lesser known "People in Dallas Got Hair", by Waylon Jennings?
17. Winning state championships
Carroll High School won five by themselves in 2011. They have several generations of elite family breeding over there. Also, a lot of money. Which helps.
18. Having eponymous television programs
Dallas is so great they had to make it twice.
19. Cheerleading
Cowboys cheerleading to be specific. Cowboys fans need SOMETHING to be proud of.
20. Margaritas
We invented the margarita machine, but we still know how to make them damn well by hand, too.
21. Pretending to be cowboys
People in Ft. Worth are actually cowboys. Dallas folk like to play dress up and wear $700 boots every once in a while, mainly because they look cool. You won’t find any dust or scuffs on those full-quill ostrich boots.