Your LA Xmas dinner survival guide

Christmas dinner is always predictable: ham, eggnog, you feeling SUPER AWKWARD around your first cousin. Also predictable? Someone asking if you're A) "married", B) "sure you like other guys", or C) "seeing anyone... no? You should totally go out with your first cousin!" To help you preempt any of these coming out of Grandma Ginny's mouth, we've got eight off-topic topics that'll keep them... off those topics.

1. The weather in LA
Talking Points: The high today was FIFTY-FIVE?!?!? Alright, here's what we're gonna do, you check to see if we've got an emergency rations kit in someone's trunk, and I'm gonna go put on a second tank top. I know, man, drastic times and all that.

2. The weather on the East Coast
Talking Points: Oh, f**k that.

3. Parking in Santa Monica
Talking Points: Yeah, no, I couldn't find one either.

4. The fact that there was no traffic today
Talking Points: I wonder if this is what it'd be like if we lived in... literally anywhere else in the country.

5. Kobe's return to the Lakers
Talking Points: ...

6. What movie to hit after eating this delicious beef & broccoli and chow mein
Talking Points: The only movie I won't see is Justin Bieber's Believe (unless you guys really wanna see it, or offer to pay).

7. Whole Foods vs. Trader Joe's
Talking Points: Have you tried TJ's Lemongrass Egg Rolls? No dude, HAVE YOU TRIED TJ'S LEMONGRASS EGG ROLLS? Okay, shut up then.

8. How to pronounce Yasiel Puig
Talking Points: Yeah, we've got nothing.